Loves Left Behind
by WhatsInAName99
Summary: Al shook his head slowly and sighed. "No." Paninya slumped forward and closed her eyes. "Then what we're doing obviously isn't working and there's nothing more I can do for you." Al/Paninya, Al/Mei, Al/It's complicated. Oneshot. Rated M for cursing, nudity, and implied sex.


Title – Loves Left Behind

Summary – Al shook his head slowly and sighed. "No." Paninya slumped forward and closed her eyes. "Then what we're doing obviously isn't working and there's nothing more I can do for you." Al/Paninya, Al/Mei, Al/It's complicated. Rated M for cursing, nudity, and implied sex. I think OMGMY FEELS should be a genre category.

AN - I really need to start writing these FMA oneshots in chronological order, but meh. There is an entire extended universe in my head and this tidbit of it demanded to be written.. Basically at this point Al is still in love with Mei after he gets home from his trip to Xing. Before he left for Xing he had been dating Paninya. Now that he's home, they are back together, but things are different now.

* * *

She lay there in the bed under the lamplight, her dead topaz eyes staring out and pickling out pasterns in the off-white textured wall beside her. She tried to ignore the familiar warmth of the sleeping body behind her, because now, when he nestled himself closer to her and tightened his arm around her, it just felt selfish and fake, not safe and comfortable the way it once had.

Before he left. Before _Her._

As quietly as possible, she tossed the covers aside and shivered slightly when the chilled air hit her naked body. She untangled her clothing from the loose sheets at the foot of the bead. As she dressed, she did not notice that her bed mate had begun to rouse.

"Paninya?" he said, blinking against the light and stretching across the bed. "Where are you going?"

"Sorry, Al. I didn't mean to wake you." Although this was true, she was actually glad he was awake. They needed to have this conversation, and she really did not want to be the one to simply walk out on a sleeping lover. "I..." Paninya hesitated, not quite knowing how to begin.

Al sat up, thankfully keeping anything important covered with the blanket. "Is something wrong?"

Paninya sighed and stood up to finish buttoning her pants. "Honestly Al, something's been wrong for a long time."

The air was silent for a minute, neither knowing quite what to say until Al said, "It's not like you to keep things to yourself. Please talk to me."

Paninya smiled unexpectedly, but did not look at Al when she answered. "We had something great once, you know. You and me, we were good. We had things in common, we had laughs and tears and fun and sex and everything couples should have except one thing, and even that we were so close to finding that it hurts to think about it now."

"What's that?"

Paninya breathed in deeply. "Love."

Al lowered his head and averted his eyes. "Paninya, I-"

"NO, Alphonse!" Paninya shouted louder than she had meant to, suddenly angry now. "We were almost perfect two years ago. Then you left. You _left_ , Al! You went off to Xing and whatever other exotic lands studying your precious alchemy with your even more precious _Princes_ Mei Chang! You fell in love with her, you admitted it yourself. Then you came home, but you didn't come home to me. You had no choice bet to leave the woman you love behind, I understand that. You couldn't stay because her asshole soon-to-be-Chang-Clan-chieftain cousin kept trying to kill you and she wouldn't leave because of some warped sense of duty to a clan that turned their fucking backs on her. I get it. I really do, and I'm truly sorry it happened that way for you. But ever sense you came home almost a year ago, we've been pretending."

Paninya stopped her tirade to take a breath and to notice Al's stunned, hurt expression. She made a conscious effort to soften her face and sat town on the edge of the bed next to Al. "We tried so hard to get back what we had before, even to fall in love for real this time." she continued, folding his hands in hers. "But can you honestly tell me that it's working at all? Do you love me any more or Mei any less than when you first came home? Be honest Al, with me and with yourself."

Al was trembling at this point, and he was still unable to raise his head to look at Paninya. He shook his head slowly and sighed. "No."

Paninya slumped forward and closed her eyes. She had known the answer for a long time, but hearing Al say it made it real; made it painful. Tears that she hadn't even realized were building up started rolling down her face. She let his hands fall away from hers. "Then what we're doing obviously isn't working and there's nothing more I can do to help you."

"I'm trying!" Al insisted, finally looking up at Paninya and trying to meet her wet eyes. "I'm trying to get over Mei."

Paninya shook her head and sniffled. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the backs of her hands and stood facing away from Al. "I can't help you with that anymore," she said with a sense of finality. "You'll have to do that on your own, because my heart can't take it anymore."

Satisfied that she had said all she needed to say and effectively ended her and Al's relationship, she started to walk away. She had not made it three steps before Al suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Paninya I..." he said, his voice cracking, "I'm sorry."

Paninya smiled sadly and lightly brushed her fingertips across Al's face and along his jawline.

"Me too."

She pulled her hand back and left. When the door clicked shut behind her, it felt like slamming prison bars. But she did not flinch and she did not cry anymore as she left the man she loved behind.


End file.
